Confessions of an Evil Mother

 

 

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Dear Estrogen, Goddess of all Tween Girls,

It has, clearly, been too long since my last confession. It is my brave and stoic 12 year old that has had to bear the consequences of my negligence.  In a deliberate act of maternal malice, I have committed the following deeply scarring and grievous injuries this morning (and it's not even 9 am yet)

  • I failed at 10:15 last night to produce the topic for a science fair, when I should have spent the last three weeks devoting my every waking moment to selecting a project that, I should have remembered, was due this morning. There is no excuse. What else could I have been doing to commit this oversight?
  • I compounded above error by making several grossly obtuse and idiotic suggestions this morning on the drive to school.
  • I had the temerity to mention that practising the saxophone was a good way to ensure improvement. What was I thinking? 
  • I committed the heinous malapropism of suggesting that sleeves might be appropriate in 35ºF weather.
  • I unjustly requested that my car door not be slammed in a manner that made the entire car shake.
  • And worst of all, in a savage act of sabotage, I did not identify that my older child was clearly faking her symptoms of illness and allowed her to remain at home, while I forced my youngest into the harsh, clearly perilous schooling system.

I am a worm.